Observing Thoughts

thinking_manGreetings Observers of Life!!!

It is November and I am experiencing a greater awareness of how my thoughts and beliefs effect my moods, situations and the outcome of each of my days. Not only are “thoughts things… and we need to think the good ones” as I heard Mike Dooley say because they stir and create our life, but as I go about my living, and get stirred with some emotion, that stirring is there to uncover the thoughts behind it. If a strong emotion, that is not pleasant, is my current experience, I can stop and begin to inquire what is the belief behind it that needs to be looked at more closely. It is there so I can become aware of it and to gain understanding how it is causing the stir and thus causing discomfort in my present moment. This contemplation is essential so that I don’t fumble about in a sea of unpleasant feelings and experiences. As I choose to change my world by changing how I think about it, I begin to live in a greater state of Joy. I grow in my awareness that Life does not just happen to me but I happen to Life and Life and I dance together as One in magnificent Co-creation. Then, as Life is always moving forward, I am shown where hidden beliefs have been tucked away. As Life happens, there is an uncovering that occurs and my thoughts get exposed. I know that this is occuring because I sence discomfort or resistence to what is going on in the present moment. When this happens, it is time to look at those thoughts and beliefs that are behind it. Maybe a fear comes up and my usual automatic response is triggered. It is then I can stop and examine what is my belief here. It is a belief in lack or that I am not supported? Do I feel that my deepest dreams will never come true and therefore my efforts to make them happen are just a waste of time? Do I feel like my efforts in making a difference at my job are just a benign use of my energy? How about when I take a step of faith and stretch myself into an area that I have not played in before? Do I feel like shrinking back, recoiling, returning to where it feels safe? In reality, I am safe right where I am! These dreams, desires and ideas are not mine alone but that of Spirit delighting to do these things through me, to experience Life as me. And if that is so, then I will be given all that is needed. But, if I think that I can’t, that there is a lack of supply, or that I am not worthy enough, or smart enough or whatever… then that will be my experience.

I have to see my dreams and goals coming true daily and set my thoughts and positive emotions towards them. So I vision. I sit once or twice a day for a short period of time and imagine in my mind what it would be like, feel like and look like. FB_IMG_1446830857268_resizedI sense the happiness and joy. I see myself doing what it is I love to do. I see myself surrounded by love and beauty or a location that brings delight to me. I imagine what I can do now as my dreams are now my reality. I choose to feel it… really feel it. I speak it out loud or write it down, but either way I do so with exuberance as it is this thinking with feeling that stirs and creates. I do not get caught in how things will come to be or even the specifics. That is not my job. My job is to verbalize it and allow the Universe to take it’s action and bring it about. I am to then point myself in the direction of my dreams and goals. I can’t just vision and then sit on my duff and wait for Life to deliver it to me. I have to avail myself to be used. I have to show up. I have to allow myself to be guided as I go do what is necessary each day. For as I go to work, I may meet someone that, as we talk, has information I need. I may take a trip and when I get to where I am going, I am inspired and learn something that helps me take the next step. Or maybe, I am to make a decision that requires some risk and stretches my faith and a song comes on the radio while walking through a store that confirms I am to do it.

There are also urges and intuitions that when I learn to listen and heed them, they come more frequently and my faith and trust in Life and its leadings grows. I am indeed supported by Life. (Call Life by whatever name you are comfortable with… God, Spirit, The Universe, the Great I AM, Goddess, Shiva, Source, Love, Lord, Mother / Father God, or whatever.) It is my acknowledgement that there is this Power in the universe and I can use it, co-create with it, dance with it, and dwell in it. And my thoughts are creative and the Universe responds to them. I need to consciously choose the good thoughts and when I discover I have hidden thoughts and beliefs that no longer serve me, that keep me stuck, I need to release them and do the work that changes them for my greater good. This is an active choice. It can be hard at first. Those old thoughts and beliefs are like habits and as I become more conscious of what I am thinking about each day, I will catch myself thinking “oh that will never happen” or “this will never change” and I stop it. I change it to “anything is possible” or “I am willing to allow good to flow to me” or “change is good” or “the Universe is abundant and I am supported by the Universe. There is an unlimited supply and all my needs are met.”

So, combine the activity of changing thoughts when the old ones creep into your mind with visioning for 1 or 2 short sessions a day; seeing and feeling what it will be like when you are where you desire to be and doing what you desire to do and this will shift the Juju. This practice will open you up to the next events that will further you into the direction of where you want to go. Share your dreams with people that support you. Those people and friends that cheer you on and lift you up. The simple act of sharing can create an energy and excitement. It is important to surround yourself with like-minded people! I know that I have immeasurable benefits by being a part of my spiritual community which I get to participate in many ways. www.cslsr.org Action is needed… and sometimes just showing up and doing what seems to be the next logical thing in the direction of your dreams is what opens the flood gates!

I love observing my thoughts and changing my thinking!

Thinking Big,

Sue

Suebee

By observing the world around us and our reactions to it, we become more aware of ourselves.

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Observation Adjusted a.k.a. A Little Camping Will Wake You Up!

Hues.of.lightI watched the hues of light form, from my window, as dawn came near. It was the most quiet time here at the campground. The waves pounded the shore to the point I felt their energy, the compression of their weight with the release of each wave. There are those moments that are so serene, that time stops and breathing and staring into the beauty is all I can do. And I did. Some hours before, I also stared out this same window. The stars shone brightly and the wind had calmed to allow me to open the window for fresh air. Looking due east I saw flashes of light. I was puzzled in how this could be as it was clear above me. Only light fog hovered over the land briefly, yet it is not here this morning.

In the quiet of my space I made coffee and stood to feel the breeze come through one window to the other. Alive! I turned off the fire from under the pot just before the whistle. Steam filled the cup as I poured slowly and stirred. Bliss… the smell of coffee while camping. That dark elixir that appeals to this writer’s heart. Settling back in to the warmth of the covers, the campground began to stir.

Dogs and children become restless as it gets lighter. Families come out of their campers and tents, squinting at the brightness. The day has begun. Movement. The scent of campfires. The sound of toys and things. Play and chatting. It is a village of sorts and I think about what it may have been like to live in a village type of atmosphere where seclusion is not the experience, but that you hear and see and communicate to your neighbors as soon as you step outside the door. There is still some sense of separation at a campground. Each camper is here for a different reason. Some to relax, others to give their kids an experience, while others are here because they made reservations months ago and it is just the going and doing of it because it was paid for or because there is an urge for the unknown.

One thing about this trip is I got sleep while I was here. It is good to slow down aMoon through the window bit and purposefully be somewhere different to adjust my patterns, think different thoughts and spend time on my soul. That is what this has been for me. Sometimes getting away takes effort and planning and staying home is just easier. But, I am seeing that if I want to get something done, have something change, be somewhere else, the effort is less obstructive than the stagnation of remaining where I am. Wondering whether or not I should do something takes the magic out of the moment. If I feel it… do it. The idea did not come to me just to think about it alone. The creative seed is planted for the purpose of growth and expression and the expansion of Life Itself through me and as me. I was not given breath just to ponder the breath, but to allow it to thrust me forward into the next movement of this dance I am participating in. As long as I have breath I am to be unfolding.

Ganesh mantra came to me while walking on the beach yesterday and as it did, I thought about where I am and the propulsion of where I am going… the desires in my heart the activities I participate in. I see that I have come far, learned much and done much. But I am not done! I am still discovering and still finding shackles that need to be released. I hold the keys and I have the freedom to release myself into wide open spaces. Ganesh is all about removing obstacles and releasing. I think this trip has stirred up my thinking regarding this;  to “walk through” verses thinking and planning the “walk” whatever that walk may be. I open myself to the magic of being lead by Love, led by the Mystery, taking the action and discovering along the way. Unhindered. I teach others to do this, to be it, and yet I have found myself caught in a cycle that needed to be broken and broken it is! I affirm that for myself.

Sometimes we are unaware of our condition until we get out of the condition. Shake up the routine. Do what is not normal. No… it is not easier to stay due to the effort to move! Staying calcifies the energies of the dreams and desires and makes them harder to reach.

Wave.at.DoranThis morning I felt the energy of the waves, their compression as they pounded the shore reverberated throughout the campground. I am the wave.

Releasing the Bus…

Keith's BusMy sister sent me a picture of my nephew’s old Bus. Keith had texted me a few months ago as he was clearing out his old room and preparing to move sometime in the near future. He wanted to know if he should save the bus for me. I said yes. But now, months later, as both my sister and I have had to deal with much clearing after our Mom’s passing, she asked me if I REALLY wanted it. I told her I didn’t know what to do with it (though my heart strings were wrapped around it like a ball of yarn.) So she donated it to a child somewhere that needed it and the energy and spirit that had gone into it so many years ago. It was this bus that Keith and I played with for at least 5 years. He would hand me his bus and then he would grab his Tonka Truck and we would race around the house shouting “BUS!”. It started when he was still 2. I had to bend over to hold the top of the bus and scoot it around. He, being small then, did not have to stoop down too far to push and run with the Tonka Truck. The bus was also made by Tonka and, hence, it took much abuse. So as holiday meals were cooking, Keith and I would run thru the kitchen, down the hallway, to the bedroom, back up the hallway, through the dining room, into the family room and then we would create a make-believe crash next to the fireplace all while shouting “BUS!” as we ran and scooted the wheels of these toys through the house. As an adult, in my 30’s, I was quite out of breath after doing this 5 or more times. Running while stooped over pushing a Bus was hard work… but oh did we love it and it bonded us for a lifetime. I was his hero. When the family gathered, I would be the one who played “Bus” with Keith and we also went outside and did other things, too. There where some moments when I wanted to chat and be with the adults and share, and when he asked if I would play with him, I would say not right now, but soon or later. He seemed so disappointed when I said that.

As Keith got older, play was more about sports. We threw the football, baseball, used the pitching net, roller skated, shot basketballs, scooted on Razor Scooters, and then later on as he got into his teens, we would take walks with Stormy, my Black Lab who traveled with me where ever I went. Just recently, this past May, Keith came to visit me when I was staying at my old childhood home. Mom passed away in February and I was there going through her things and packing them up. My sister, Keith’s mom, and I thought there were a few things that he would like. After he arrived, I took him out for lunch and later we played a card game called “Magic.” It was quite different but each card had a purpose or special power and as one played the cards they had an affect on the cards of the opponent. He was quite good at it and it allows the use of the imagination. It allowed us time to chat and just be in each other’s presence… sharing time. It was very good and afterwards, I helped Keith pack up his car with items of his grandmother’s that were now his to use in his new home that he would be moving into soon after that trip.

The bus has always been the cenotaph of my relationship with my nephew. It was our beginning of play and of time well spent. It was the boy’s joy to have his aunt spend time with him. There is no other gift we can give someone that is better than time. To play, to listen to a boy’s imagination, to laugh and watch them grow.

Much later, I saw Keith graduate from high school and then 4 years after that, we all took time off and gathered to watch him graduate from college. Such a good boy he was and now such a wonderful man he has become. I like to think that I had something to do with how he came to be… and yet, he is his own person with a little bit of all of us in him and each of us holds on to something of the past, with clenched fingers, to remind us of the special moments that make up the life that evolves and moves on…

BUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Defending Observed

GavelI was sharing with my sister this past week that I recently had to turn down two requests from two different friends which were about a week apart. The first request was asked at a time which I did not have my calendar with me nor could I remember what was going on during the date that my presence would been needed. The actual event was going to be fun, but I just didn’t know if I could be present for it. I was asked to think about it and after a couple of days and a review of my schedule, I returned my answer via the written word. I was not able to assist as I was back to back all that week and the next with scheduled activities, trips out of town and guests coming into town. Squeezing something more into my schedule would not be beneficial. I have been aware lately of not practicing self-care which includes saying no when I need to. I made sure I got back to my friend in a timely manner so they could make other arrangements and I wished them well.

The second request came in via text asking if I could assist in allowing someone to stay the night as they were going to be in town late and needed to remain in town through the next day. This was not an emergency and therefore, I needed to say no. There were other situations occurring for which I needed and wanted to take care of and to say yes would have derailed taking care of what I had already promised myself.

Declining the first request was hard because I felt like I needed to defend myself. I felt I needed to list why I was not able to assist. I actually found myself getting angry. I paused and asked my Higher Self… why am I defending me? I am not on trial. What is this defending about? It wasn’t about the person who asked for my assistance, it was about the belief that my reason wasn’t good enough and I had to convince myself that it was, that I was important enough. I didn’t want my friend to be disappointed, but that was not my responsibility either.

The second request was a bit easier as what needed my attention was right in my face when the ask came to me. I was in the midst of person concerns and I needed the freedom and space to continue on with the work. So, I said no without feeling the need to defend my reasons and I also was not in a space to share with my friend what was going on.  My reasons for self-care do not need to be validated by others in order for them to be important to me nor for me to feel accepted. When the time is appropriate, I share what is going on with my close friends. That is what we do. But if my motive to share is to feel their approval and acceptance, then something else is going on, some hidden belief needs to be revealed.

A couple days past by and I was considering this whole topic. I write every morning on www.750words.com to do a brain dump of what needs to be cleared. Sometimes I get an idea for my blog, sometimes just crap comes out and other times… I clear a road block. This was the latter. I learned to defend myself long ago when I was accused in the fourth grade of doing something which I didn’t do. It wasn’t just not being believed as I tried to defend myself, it was the events that followed that day because I was not believed. I was not believed for years and was told that I could not be trusted. I was always being asked why I chose to do this or that and my reasons I gave were not met with approval. I could have always done better or chose differently. From that, I learned to give an account for why I do what I do. I learned to think ahead and think twice before making a decision. I learned to build a defense before I even did anything wrong. I needed to be accepted and trusted. I wanted to be counted on because I learned that was important. I wanted to be important. Ahhhh Haaaa!! As I pressed forward and continued to ask my Higher Self to show me why I was on the defense when I say “no” to someone, the answer was revealed. I didn’t want to be disapproved of any more. I wanted to be counted on even if that meant putting my self-care aside and the big observation was… that 8 year old little girl needed to know that she was believed and loved and trusted.

So after sharing this all with my sister, she gave me a quote with a twist; “If you’re not pissing someone off, you probably aren’t doing self-care.” Meaning, I am not always going to please everyone. I am not always going to say yes and I may not always give a reason as to why I am unable to assist. I am learning more about saying yes to me and finding where I need to put myself first for the sake of my healing journey.

By the way, some of the things I did learn as I was growing up have become valuable tools for living. I learned to think ahead and think twice before making a decision. I learned how to be someone that can be counted on even when it is difficult.

As a side note, as I was looking up the original quote that my sister gave me, I found this interesting read: http://oliveremberton.com/2014/if-youre-not-pissing-someone-off-you-probably-arent-doing-anything-important/

The Defense Rests,

Sue

Authenticity Observed

I have been watching a few people close to me, in multiple areas of my life, go through changes of their own. There is shock and adjustment. There is grief and the reaching out to their own families in times of diagnosis. There is great care being given about work and future concerns of retirement as well as the day to day doings and the attempts to be with the moment, in how it is, and wondering what is next… what is the yet to be?

I listen, observe and know that each of us is doing the best we can. We are not covering it up and being pretty about it. Life can be messy. Then my beloved shares this picture and quote by Teal Swan on her Facebook page, and it summed up how I was feeling and what I was observing in the people around me.

Authentic

I sat with this image and read Teal Swan’s words over again and its message for me was revealed: In the journey of being aware and thus, becoming authentic, the stuff that one travels through churns and dislodges what has masked our true selves like plaque. It takes work. It takes surrender. It takes opening the heart and soul and body to feel again and that feeling or those feelings are not all about puppies, blue skies and rose gardens. It is about growing and becoming. It is about opening to something that we are being lead to… that voice of our higher Self that says “you ARE” and we respond to it with “I AM.”

Observing the Churn,

Sue

To Flail is Human, But There is a Reason

StopWhy did I flail and get all upset when he honked his horn at me on the corner? Traffic was still going by in both directions. We did not have the right of way. They did not have a stop sign and yet he honked! How rude!!! I flailed my arms up above the seats faster than my thoughts. I looked at him in the rear view mirror and then pointed in both directions of the cars coming into view as if he could see me. He did and he raised his hands with palms towards me in some apologetic jester. I was not softened by it. My heart and mind were reeling. “Duh!!! The person in front of you is stopped for a reason,” I thought out loud. When the traffic cleared I made my left turn. He did, too. I got a bit ahead as I didn’t want him near me.

Grief has an edge to it and accentuates my feelings; shortening my reaction times or rather, I forget to hit the pause button and breathe for 10 seconds before I react.  And on that corner, at that stop sign yesterday, I didn’t remember this… I just flailed my arms and expressed indignant feelings for another mile as I drove toward the highway.

Flailing as I did, I learned less than an hour later, was about my need to know I was OK. That I had not done anything wrong and to be accused of such, by the honk of the horn, was to be questioned… was to tell me that I was not in the right place.

Thank goodness I was on my way to my practitioner session. At first I wasn’t going to share this little scene as there were other things I wanted to talk about. But over half way through our session, I shared about the encounter on the corner. She asked me about the flailing and what I thought it was about for me. I paused and said, “I’m not sure, but I knew traffic was coming and I couldn’t go… I wasn’t doing anything wrong.” Ah… the nugget of truth… I needed to know I was OK, that nothing was or is wrong in the bigger picture. The little girl inside me needed to feel safe and assured… not accused and pushed. It wasn’t about the blue truck behind me and his inappropriate honking as one would initially observe, it was about trying to do my best during this time of my life and feeling that I am OK in the midst of much change and shifting emotions. I needed to just hold my heart and say, “Your OK. Nothing is wrong, you haven’t done anything wrong.” His honking wasn’t about me, but my reactions to his honking were and in that I learned what was needed. I am OK right where I am and as I heard this, I teared up. Funny how we do that when the truth of our being is revealed.

Observation Expressed,

Sue

What’s It All About?

SF.via.Ferry.Window

My beliefs can be jaded by how I observe my surroundings or by the stories I tell myself regarding what I see or perceive to be real. I must take the time to find out what is really going on or at least hold lightly in my mind and heart the current events so that I don’t go down a rabbit hole of false conjectures.

This picture, which I took on a ferry from Larkspur to San Francisco, is a good example. The window is covered by the spray of the waves, not rain. The sky seems gray, but only because it is early morning in San Francisco and the fog burned off  shortly after my arrival. This image brings me joy because I remember the kind of day I had in the City by the Bay. To some though, it may conjure different feelings.

So here’s what it’s about… the stories about taking the time to notice not just what I see and sense, but observing my raw reactions to the experiences and writing about them; drawing you in to observe and to share your own responses.